SHERWOOD FOREST · TERMS RENEGOTIATED · ALL PARTIES SATISFIED
🏹

THE GREATEST
REDISTRIBUTION
IN HISTORY

Robin Hood was taking from the rich and keeping nothing, which is the worst deal anybody has ever seen. So we sat down in the forest and we fixed it.

SHERWOODROBIN TAKES · I COLLECTFEE: 47%BACK TO THE RICH: 53%TO THE POOR: 0.00
ANOTHER HISTORIC NEGOTIATION · CONCLUDED IN ONE AFTERNOON

TRUMPHOOD

TRUMP MADE A DEAL WITH ROBIN HOOD. ROBIN ROBS THE RICH, PAYS TRUMP A 47% FEE, AND THE OTHER 53% GOES BACK TO THE RICH.

the poor were not in the room, and frankly the room was very full already.

Robin Hood had a tremendous operation out here, the best brand in the forest, everybody knew the name. But I looked at the books and the books were a catastrophe: he takes all day from the richest men in England and at the end of it he is standing in a wet forest with nothing. I have seen bad deals, believe me, and that was the worst one ever written.

So we sat down under a tree and we renegotiated the whole thing in one afternoon. He still takes from the rich, exactly like before, I did not touch that part because that part was perfect. Forty-seven percent now comes to me as a fee, the other fifty-three goes right back to the rich, and every single man under that tree said it was the greatest redistribution in the history of redistribution.

BUY $TRUMPHOOD FOLLOW ON X READ THE NEW TERMS
CONTRACT: live on launch copy
SHERWOOD · SEASON ONETAKING FROM THE RICH
The renegotiated Robin Hood, drawing a bow with a gold currency sign where the arrow rest should be, aiming at somebody wealthy just off the page
POKE HIM · HE PAYS (47% OF IT)
SPLIT THE LOOT ↓
THE MINI GAME

THE REDISTRIBUTION TABLE

Rob eight of the richest men in England. Every haul lands on the table and gets split the way we agreed under the tree: forty-seven percent into my chest, fifty-three percent back to the man you just robbed. There is a third chute. You are welcome to try it.

HEISTS0 / 8
TAKEN FROM THE RICH0
MY FEE (47%)0
DELIVERED TO THE POOR0.00

    THE TABLE

    47%
    MY FEE
    (THE NEGOTIATION)
    0
    53%
    BACK TO THE RICH
    (THEY EARNED IT TWICE)
    0
    0%
    THE POOR
    (PIPE UNDER REVIEW)
    0.00
    the lever moves, it always moves, that is the beautiful part.
    THE ARRANGEMENTTake from whoever you like, the order does not matter, they are all extremely rich and none of them will notice. Bring it to the table and I will handle the mathematics personally.
    SIGNED UNDER THE TREE

    THE NEW TERMS OF SHERWOOD

    FROM THE FOREST

    HOW THE AFTERNOON WENT

    The face of a man who has just explained to a folk hero that his life's work was a rounding error

    THE PITCH

    He opened by saying he had done this for years and it had always worked, and I let him finish, which I thought was very generous of me. Then I said one word, fee, and the whole forest went quiet in a way I have only heard twice before.

    The bow after the upgrade, with a solid gold currency sign fitted where the arrow rest used to be

    THE UPGRADE

    The bow was fine, honestly it was a beautiful bow, but nothing on it told you what the business actually was. So we put the sign right there on the front where a rich man can see it coming, and now every shot is a statement about value.

    The quiver, which is now billed to the client per arrow used, plus handling

    THE ARROWS

    Nobody had ever billed for the arrows. Twenty years of arrows going out the door for free, into trees, into hats, into the occasional sheriff, and not one invoice. That ends now and it ends retroactively.

    THE CHEST

    WHAT IS IN IT AND WHO COUNTED IT

    SUPPLY

    One billion, counted by me in the dark, in a forest, very quickly. The number is correct because I said the number, and re-counting it would only insult the man who counted it the first time.

    LIQUIDITY

    Locked in the chest and the chest is buried under the tree where we signed. Robin has the shovel, I have the map, and the map is a drawing of the tree with the tree not marked on it.

    TAX

    Zero, and I want to be clear that the Sheriff proposed a number and I renegotiated the Sheriff. He now works Tuesdays and he is thrilled about it, or at least he was standing very still when he agreed.

    OWNERSHIP

    Renounced in front of witnesses, all of whom were Merry Men, all of whom are now independent contractors billing me for their own merriment. Excellent men. Terrible negotiators.

    FIRST PARTY · R. HOOD, OF THE FOREST
    SECOND PARTY · ME, OF EVERYWHERE ELSE
    WITNESS · A TREE
    SEASON CLOSED

    THE GREATEST REDISTRIBUTION IN HISTORY

    Eight of the richest men in England were robbed on schedule, and every single one of them ended the day richer than the poor, who were not robbed at all.

    TAKEN0
    MY FEE0
    TO THE POOR0.00

    Robin says he feels good about it, which tells you everything, because he has not been paid yet and the invoice for the arrows is still being prepared.